Silent Song Read online

  My parents thought I had an aneurism when I said I was moving across country and leaving the only home I’ve ever known. Not to mention Ivy League. We fought for two weeks straight, with them going as far as staging an intervention. That’s what tipped the scales. I knew they would never relinquish control of me if I didn’t make this move now. So I left everything I’ve ever known: my family, school, and trust fund far behind. I’m done living someone else’s life. I’m ready to start my own story and maybe make a few mistakes along the way. Being perfect is exhausting, and living up to unachievable expectations is a never ending game.

  I eye the backseat of my car and wonder how many trips it will take to get all my crap to my dorm. I look down at my information package and see that I’m in Grace Covell Hall. I can worry about getting most of my stuff later. I grab what I can carry and start walking in what I hope is the right direction. Compared to Yale the school is small, but the enormity of my situation is overwhelming. I try not looking like such a fish out of water, but the sympathetic smiles I’m getting tell me I’ve missed the mark.

  After stopping once for directions from an understanding upperclassman, I finally find where I’m supposed to get my student ID. The buildings are beautiful brick and classically done. The campus is well taken care of, with plenty of trees and grass throughout. I could probably cover the whole campus in minutes, which will be a nice change from Yale, and Grace Covell isn’t far. When I reach it, I easily swipe myself in. As I make my way up the stairs, I am instantly assailed with the smell of musty gym socks. Welcome to communal living. I get to my door and freeze. I’m not sure if I should knock or just use my key. I mutter to myself how silly I’m being just standing here debating it when I feel a tap on my shoulder.

  “You know this isn’t Hogwarts, it’s not going to open by muttering a spell. You actually have to turn the handle.” I jump about a foot and the tall blonde just laughs.

  “Oh Lord, I almost peed myself.” This of course causes her to laugh harder.

  “Not another roommate who isn’t housebroken! They promised me you’d be better trained than my last one.” She is friendly and I smile in relief.

  “Hi, I’m Presley; I’m guessing you’re my roommate?”

  “Sure am, looks like it’s your lucky day. I’m Jodi, by the way. Allow me.” I take a minute to study her. She’s absolutely beautiful with shoulder length blonde hair that falls in layers, and big brown eyes. She is tall and slender and doesn’t seem to have a shy bone in her body. I look around and take in the very neat surroundings. It’s very clean, a fact that surprises me being that it’s co-ed. There isn’t a piece of trash in sight and nothing lying out in the halls. I see a sign posted that makes me chuckle when it reads there is a $25 floor fine for every piece of trash found. I guess that explains the tidiness. My roommate fishes in her purse until she comes out with a key and opens the door with a flourish.

  “After you, madam,” she says in a very proper voice, adding a very dramatic curtsy.

  “Theatre major?” I ask with a grin.

  “Bravo! Yes, theatre is one of my majors. Engineering is the other.”

  “Wow, ambitious, aren’t you?” Jodi just shrugs like it’s no big deal, but I’ve heard how intense an engineering major can be.

  “Engineering is my career, theatre is my passion, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to have a double major. How about you?”

  “Music therapy,” I say, waiting for the cringe I’ve grown accustomed to receiving, but it doesn’t come.

  “Score! That sounds like a fun major actually; I can’t wait to hear about it.” Jodi is completely sincere and it almost brings me to tears.

  “I wish my family was as understanding as you are.”

  “Uh oh? You’re the square peg, huh?” At my blank look, she just smiles.

  “Round hole, square peg…you know, you don’t really fit in with the rest.”

  “Oh wow, now that you put it like that, even though it’s mildly depressing, you are right on. Both my parents, grandparents, and my older brother are all surgeons.”

  “You will still be a doctor though, so you still fit. Not a Sesame Street song then…bummer.” I don’t bother to hide my eye roll.

  “Do I even want to ask?” Now it’s her turn to roll her eyes like I’m the one talking in riddles.

  “One of these things is not like the other; one of these things just doesn’t belong,” she sings out. “You might not be a surgeon, but will still be a doctor, so you fit in with the rest. Thus, not a Sesame Street song.”

  “Don’t let my parents hear you say that. According to them, head doctors don’t count. Add in music and I might as well be a groupie in their eyes.”

  “Yep, square peg. That blows. I’m guessing that’s why you transferred in. Where are you from, anyway?”

  “Hartford, Connecticut.”

  “Oh fancy. You come from the country club scene?”

  “Unfortunately, but I never fit in there, really.”

  “Then you are going to love Stockton!” she says, wiggling her eyebrows. “I hope you don’t mind, I took the bed to the left.”

  I actually look around for the first time, noticing how small the room is. Good thing I didn’t bring much stuff with me. There are two beds and two small dressers. She managed to fit a small fridge and microwave in between the beds pushed up against the back wall.

  “This is perfect,” I say, actually meaning it. I’m thrilled to have this brand-new start. I loved Yale, but there, I was an alumni’s daughter and anything but pre-med was unheard of. Here, nobody knows me and I like that just fine.

  “I’m a bit eclectic, but I promise I’ll keep everything to my side…unless you want help decorating yours, that is.” She sounds so hopeful that I just smile.

  “I think I’m good, but I’ll let you know.” Eclectic is putting it mildly. Every square inch of her side is covered in…something. She has posters of plays taped to the wall as well as charcoal hand drawn pictures of buildings. Dividing our space is a bright red curtain of beads that go down the center of the room. She has a red Chinese fan suspended over her bed and a white lava lamp in the corner.

  “I think my side is going to be a bit boring compared to yours.”

  “That’s okay; I can help you spice it up. You are into music, right?”

  “It’s only my heart’s blood,” I say, picking up on her dramatic flair.

  “Cool, let’s go find a vintage record store and we can get a few of your favorite albums to hang up.” It’s not really my normal style, but that actually sounds really cool, and it will give me an excuse to tour my new city a bit.

  “Sounds like fun. Let’s do it.”

  With two bags full of records, we make our way to an adorable café called Cast Iron. They brew their own coffee and tea here and I almost moan at the first taste of my iced tea as lime, mint, and agave explode in my mouth.

  “Good, right?”

  “Amazing! Much better than anything we have back home.”

  “Speaking of, and if it’s none of my business, just tell me to shut my face.” I can’t help but chuckle at how colorful my new roommate is. “But you transferred from Yale. I’m talking Ivy League, impossible to get into, cut throat college, to come to Stockton. Don’t get me wrong, UOP rocks, it’s such a great school, but what gives?”

  I take a deep breath and a slow sip of my tea while I try to figure out how I’m going to put into words why I left.

  “Yale is a fantastic school. I was incredibly lucky to get in, but it’s like you said with the peg thing…I just didn’t fit no matter how much I wanted to. Not with my roommate, or classmates. For sure not with my family, and I started wondering what was wrong with me. I was constantly depressed and felt like I was just going through the motions. I only had one close friend at Yale and growing up. It was like we fell off the conveyer belt. You know, the rejects that aren’t exactly perfect? Well, that was Sandra and I.”

  For being so bubbly and fun, she s
eems to be really listening to me, and she must be able to see how hard this is for me to talk about, because she reaches out and grabs my hand.

  “Sandra’s family was just as bad as my own, if not worse. Where mine were all doctors, hers were all lawyers. Our sophomore year, Sandra’s sister was hit by a drunk driver and killed instantly, Sandra never really recovered.” Jodi reaches over and wipes a tear that falls from my eye. “She couldn’t move past it. I tried to be there for her, but I was being pushed into pre-med and trying to survive Yale, and well…I failed her, and we ended up losing her, too.”

  “No, you didn’t, sweetie. I know she was your best friend, but it wasn’t your job to save her.”

  “One night after attending another fundraiser dinner it all hit me. I wasn’t able to save my best friend. She drowned in sorrow and expectation and I found myself following the same path. The fundraiser was for a musical program for a private school and it just woke me up. If I was going to survive, I needed a new start far away from memories that haunt me, and family that doesn’t understand me. Stockton has an amazing musical therapy program, it’s far away, and it’s in a community where I can actually do good.”

  “Wow. When I asked, I wasn’t expecting you to be so honest. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that, but I’m very happy you’re here now. I think we’re going to become fast friends.”

  “Thanks, Jodi. I can’t believe I just told you all that, I’ve never told anyone before.”

  “See? Fast friends.” She hugs me, and for the first time in a year, I feel like some of my jagged pieces might be starting to merge together to heal.

  CHAPTER 3

  Barrett

  I knock on my guidance counselor’s door and wait for my interpreter Jermain’s nod to enter. I open the door and allow my interpreter to go first, and follow behind him.

  “Good morning, Barrett, and how are you doing today?”

  “Fine, thank you. How you?” I sign as Jermain voices for me.

  “I’m great, thank you for asking. I’m going to hate to see you leave, you are always so polite.” I just smile back, feeling uncomfortable. I knew this meeting was going to happen sooner or later, I was just hoping for later.

  “The reason I called you in, as you probably guessed, is it’s about that time when you really need to decide where you want to go to college. I know Gallaudet accepted you,” she adds with a wide smile, and I shoot a sharp look at Jermain, but he shakes his head no. Picking up on this, Mrs. K smiles.

  “No, your interpreter didn’t rat you out. I called the school personally, Barrett. My goal is to make sure each of my students are put on the best path for success. For you, I think that path leads directly to Gallaudet.”

  “Insist you apply me. Finish. But told you can’t Gallaudet me.”

  “I applied because you insisted, but I told you I couldn’t go to Gallaudet,” Jermain voices for me.

  “I know you think it’s too far to go, but—” I don’t let her finish when I hold up a hand and start furiously signing to Jermain, and then wait while he voices for me.

  “We’ve been over this. I’m not going across country when my brother needs me here. Leaving him is not an option. As good as a school as Gallaudet is, it isn’t happening. I told you this when I applied. You said you just wanted me to get application experience. I’m going to San Joaquin Delta.” I look her directly in the eyes, daring her to challenge me. I’m firm on this.

  “You would be giving up your future for him.”

  “Mine for his. Willing me.”

  “Barrett, I think it’s very commendable that you are willing, but it’s not what’s best for you. Gallaudet is affordable with scholarships, and is the best place for you to succeed. With your struggle with English, you are hardly passing now. You barely squeak by in everything but math and your electives. At Gallaudet, it will all be in ASL and they can help you greatly with your English. You won’t have that anywhere else.”

  “Understand.”

  “You have so much potential, Barrett. I want more from you than to be a mechanic for the rest of your life.” I bristle and I know she can tell she’s stepped over the line.

  “Being a mechanic has kept food on my table and a roof over our heads. It is an honorable profession. I’m a hard worker and I don’t need a fancy degree to provide for my family,” Jermain voices for me.

  “Yes, you are a very hard worker, but Barrett, that isn’t your job.” The look on her face tells me she pities me, and that’s the last thing I want from anyone, so I shrug.

  “Finished?” I ask, getting ready to stand.

  “I’d really like you to think it over very hard. Your brother only has a few more years, surely he can make it on his own. This is the rest of your life we are talking about.” I scoff at her words because she has no clue what could happen in just a few years.

  “Have good day.” I don’t wait for her to respond as I stand and leave her office. Jermain follows and raises an eyebrow at me as we leave.

  “Delta?”

  “No college me, upset her.”

  “Yeah, but lie? Not you.”

  “Might go me. Thinking still.”

  “Right her about English you. Good for you Gallaudet. People same you. Struggle same. Understand.” He signs with compassion and I know he means well.

  “Deaf not you. Understand me not.”

  “CODA me, understand. Need you people who live your life. Walk shoes same.” CODA stands for Child Of Deaf Adult. Since both of his parents are deaf, he was pretty much raised deaf himself. ASL was his first language, and he was raised in the deaf community, so he gets it. He’s right, not everyone does, and being surrounded by people who do would be a huge relief, but I can’t do it.

  “Leave Codi won’t. Won’t!”

  “Good man you. Lunch me. See you one hour.”

  “Later J.”

  I see my brother standing nearby watching us and I curse how visual my language is for a moment. It makes secret keeping somewhat impossible if there’s anyone who knows ASL within sight.

  “What’s up?” I sign as casually as I can.

  “See you talk about Gallaudet?” So, he saw that much, but if he would have caught it all, he’d be upset.

  “Yeah.” I shrug. “See Mrs. K finish. Gallaudet accept me not.”

  The look of absolute disbelief crosses Codi’s face and I almost laugh, but I’m too choked up by his faith in me. My brother has always been my number one fan and has always had faith in me even when there isn’t much to have faith in all the time. There’s absolutely no way I could leave him to fend for himself, and his reaction just cements that fact for me.

  “Wrong them. Check again.” I laugh and nudge his shoulder.

  “Right them. Want not anyway. More time race me.” Just mentioning racing lights up Codi’s face.

  “Friday. Big race. Ready you?” There’s that knot again. I’m not proud of it, but sometimes I street race when we need the money. I usually get away with doing it every few months, but I want to buy Codi a car for his sixteenth birthday and rent and food takes every dime I make at the shop. I told Codi the money from racing is for college. A few more street races and I can buy him the good dependable car he’s going to need once I’m not going to the same school to provide rides every day. He isn’t into racing like I am; he prefers sports, so he doesn’t need anything fancy, just something reliable.

  “Always ready me.” I just pray to God I am. Street racing can be dangerous. The rules aren’t always followed, and even if they are, I’m risking a lot if I get caught. Some risks just have to be worth it, and I’d do anything to keep that smile on this kid’s face.

  CHAPTER 4

  Presley

  I can’t believe it’s only been a few months. I’ve acclimated so fast, most of which is thanks to my roommate. I’ve never really had a friend like her before, but she has quickly become my best friend. She’s one of those people that I’m sure will be the maid of honor in at least ten w
eddings. Everyone she meets loves her. I admire that more than she knows, I’m also a bit envious. It’s not that people don’t like me, I just take longer to warm up to. I tend to be a bit awkward at first until I’m comfortable.

  The campus is small enough that it’s easy to access, and aside from the severe lack of parking, it’s pretty amazing. The one thing I could do without though is the constant leaf blowers. I mean seriously, it’s like the theme music to this place. Seven o’clock in the morning is way too early to be blowing leaves around, if you ask me. Jodi has threatened to locate and steal all of the blowers and replace them with rakes…I wouldn’t put it past her to do it, either.

  “What about these?” Jodi asks as she tosses a pack of mini chocolate doughnuts at me.

  “Eww, not those again. Remember they taste like wax. The powdered ones are the only ones you’ll eat.”

  “But the chocolate sounds so good.”

  “They always do until you taste them, swear you’ve just eaten a crayon, and then make me eat the rest. Get the powdered, trust me on this.” She puts the chocolate ones back and grabs the powdered, then tosses in a few bags of chips and some M&M’s for good measure.

  “Nope, get the peanut.”

  “It’s the same thing.”

  “At least peanuts are good for you. This way I’ll feel a tad less guilty as we rot our insides.”

  “Good point.” She tosses the others back, grabbing the yellow bag. We eat like we’re Gilmores, but Jodi doesn’t gain a pound. I’ve always been naturally slim, but even I have my limits. I’m pretty sure I’ve already gained fifteen pounds since living with her. It’s Monday, which means we’re shopping for ‘Musical Monday.’ Jodi has always hosted this self-imposed event, which means like it or not, I do too. Luckily, I love it.